You would think by now that people would be masters at getting through airport security quickly and easily, but yet, it seems, that many people still seem to have no clue about proper, security-clearing, etiquette.
So if you are at all confused, unsure, or just plain ignorant of the proper behavior (and planning for) clearing the TSA without annoying every person behind you (because we all have to do this, so let’s all make it as pleasant and quick-going as possible), here are some simple rules you can follow.
1. Don’t Wear Strappy High Heels, Boots, or Other Hard-to-Remove Shoes
Wear shoes that slip on and off easily. Preferably wearing socks under them (athlete’s foot and planter’s warts anyone?). My preferred method is ballet slippers. I change into them (from my slip on, non-laces sneakers) after check-in, before I head to security. They don’t make you take ballet slippers off, and it is one less step to do, thus speeding up the line. But at the least, PLEASE wear easily slip on/off shoes.
2. Don’t Wear Jewelry:
You know you are going to go through a metal detector. Even if you want a pat down they make you remove jewelry. So why are you wearing earrings, rings, necklaces, and an arm-full of bracelets to the airport? If you must arrive at the airport wearing it, take it off BEFORE you get up tot he metal detectors. Preferably before you even get in line.
3. Keep Your Laptop Easily Reachable
Don’t bury your laptop in your carry-on. Standing at the conveyor, emptying your suitcase to get to the laptop you know you need to put in its own tray, slows down the line and annoys everyone behind you. If you don’t have a laptop bag or backpack, and must store it in a suitcase, it’s called “PACK IT LAST”. (Aka: pack it in a way that you can unzip the top of your suitcase and simply reach in and pull out your laptop, therefore keeping the line moving and anger at a minimum.)
4. If You Don’t Want The Scan, Tell Security At The Beginning
Don’t wait until you have put all your valuables in the tray, and security asks you to step through the scanner to start arguing all the reasons you don’t want to be scanned. First, there is no reason to argue, just say you want to be manually searched. They will comply. Second, now all your belongings are jamming up the parcel scanner, slowing down everyone else.
If you just tell TSA you want a manual pat-down from the beginning, they will call over an agent who will likely be ready to pat you down by the time you get to the front of the line. (About a 10-15 minute wait from the time you ask). Also, if you are traveling with others, you should tell them your preference. This way, your travel party can plan ample time for you to clear TSA.
5. Don’t Rant About Security
Don’t rant about the TSA, your rights, how you feel your rights are being violated, the horrible cancer-causing, radiation-poisoning x-rays, or anything else. We don’t care. If we cared that much, we would find another mode of transportation; and if you cared that much, so would you. Shut up, ask for the manual pat down, and move on. No one wants to hear you, but you.
6. Don’t Bring Liquids Over 3 Ounces Through Security
Just stop trying. You will not win.
7. When Exiting Security, Take Your Items, and Walk To The Side.
Every airport I have ever seen has benches to sit on and re-shoe your feet, and some have small tables off to the side too. If you have too many items to replace them on your person, as you are walking down with the conveyor, then grab your trays and move to the side. Don’t stand in the way while trying to put back on those damn strappy high-heels with the 7 buckles.
8. Learn To Wait
Stop getting pissed off if you have to wait 30 seconds to load/unload your bags on the conveyor so the person in front of you can toss their laptop back into their backpack. Or so that guy can put his belt back on his drooping pants. Or that mom can get her baby’s jacket off. You are not the center of the world.
9. Learn To Wait Patiently
No this isn’t a mistake. You also need to stop getting pissed at the elderly, the handicapped, and families with children. These people WILL take longer to get through security, and will often be ushered through before your able-bodied, adult personage is, so get over it! You were once a kid, you will one day be old, and would you rather be confined to a wheelchair? (I think not). These people have every right as you to use airplanes so stop acting like your time is more important than theirs. It isn’t. Five more minutes in line, versus sitting in a chair at the boarding gate, is nothing. At least you have your youth, your independence, and your health.
(PS: Also don’t get pissed if military people are ushered in before you. They’ve seen and done things you and I can’t even begin to fathom. They deserve whatever special treatment they get, no matter your stance on war. They fought for your freedom to be an ass. Thank them.)
10. Be Nice!
Be nice to security, to other people, to people who should be moved ahead of you in line. Just be nice. Arguing or getting angry does nothing but make everyone else miserable and makes you look like an ass. The nicer you are, the happier everyone is, the smoother things run, and the quicker you get through security. Now you have more time to go wait around and eat overpriced food. Yea.
About Dani Blanchette
